Lost the Fire….

For all intensive purpose my move to Denver was a complete success…I have a Great job, have a steady and good income, I have Awesome church and am involved with a Great group of fellow believers in it, I have a Great group of Homie friends here, I live in the most Beautiful and Awesome state in the usa, I have the opportunity to train with some of the Best Fighters in the world…yet I have come to the realization over the last few weeks that I have absolutely lost the “Fire in my Belly” that has been with me for the many many years I’ve been on the mat and/or been trading blows with people. I made myself a promise to be completely honest with everything in my Animal Jiu Jitsu Blog and here it is…straight up and brutally honesty about where I am at with Jiu Jitsu and Fight training in general.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and get that Fire back!!! I recently hired a white belt for security work at my club, who has that Fire and is at the very beginning of his Jiu Jitsu path. It seems all that he wants to do is train…oh how I miss those days!!! In all honesty, part of me wishes I was back on the mat as a newbie white belt who used to train 12-20 times a week! I’ve been rolling for so many years that I barely remember how it felt to have that white belt passion that helped me stay so Alive on the mat…it was always driving me to get better and better each day and it seemed my desire to learn was unquenchable!

Life happens and there are personal family/health/life things we have to spend our time on that periodically take us away from training and granted those things can become intense and sometimes extremely time consuming in our lives, leaving us with little or no time to train. That is different from what I am talking about right now…it is not the lack of time that I am struggling with…it is the straight up lack of desire to push myself to new physical and technical limits on the mat! I miss those old days of being sore and feeling beat up b/c I rolled for several hours the day before. I miss that old familiar “Let’s Roll” attitude I had when I saw a very competent Black Belt tapping people out left and right. I miss the desire I felt in my bones to keep going and going b/c I knew even though I was getting tapped I was getting better and better after each tap.

Life here in Colorado is going Great and my move has been an AMAZING experience and trip! I am Blessed beyond measure! but I struggle with finding that “Fire in my Belly” like I used to have. I will keep ya updated on my progress and I can only hope that my current state allows people to see that regardless of how much someone enjoys something and/or how much they have committed their life to something that brings them happiness, there are dark times in that journey and I am in that “dark training time” right now with my passion for Jiu Jitsu. Let’s see where it takes me…